Shitting For Weeks

Oct 13

Shitting For Weeks

I’d been living hell for the previous three months with my flat mate stealing anything he could find from our communal kitchen – money that had been left on the side, food I’d been saving for a rainy day and even using our cutlery and plates without permission or cleaning them up – leaving a flat of 8 of us without any food or plates to eat off even if we could scavenge of mates.

This ritual continued for weeks on end despite the remaining 7 flat mates leaving notes, having flat meetings and hiding food in our rooms. It had become too much. We all knew who the culprit was but he was constantly getting stoned and seemed to have no care about what he was putting us through.

Losing my prized Sainsbury’s Taste The Difference Chocolate Sponge that I had been saving for when my girlfriend came down was the final straw, and so I stormed off down the road to Boots. Half an hour later I returned to the kitchen with a small packet of green herbal pills.  I crushed the 8 pills into thin dust (ironically using his weed grinder that I stole from his room – it was only fair after all he had stolen from us).  I then added lavish amounts of the crushed pills up to my milk, and mixed well.  The pills in question were laxatives.

The next morning I awoke to angry shouts and the constant flushing of the toilet next door to me.  A true bargain for just £1.80.


Submitted anonomously from a University student at: Exeter University, England


Be Sociable, Share!